Tuesday, 16 March 2021

Women will never be free of abuse while men are in power

I have felt undermined by men my whole life.  From a young shy girl to a nearly 50 year old woman.  I now work in a male orientated industry which is a constant up hill battle.  People hire me as an expert but would rather listen to a man.

I was painfully shy as a kid, being tall with sticky out ears, my self worth was low now thinking about it. I was bullied at school and left at 15 without sitting one exam.  My father put me in a bedsit aged 15 and I was far from being a women of the world!  I was a virgin, wondering what the hell a blow job was!  No wonder I attracted twats.

My parents were very old fashioned.  I still cant talk about stuff like this to my elderly mother today.  She cannot deal with it.  I have had so much abuse over the years which I've never reported. It does feel like the norm.    

My first kiss was forced on me by this big tall guy at my school.  He used to play the fruit machine in my parents cafe and watch me. A popular lad at school, but not for me.  One day he followed me home, grabbed me, put his head under my top, then stuck his tongue in my mouth.  I pushed him off and went home traumatized.  My dad noticed I had grass on my back and made a comment about id been cannodling!  I was horrified and went bright red and denied any such thing. There was no way I could tell my parents what happened, I was so ashamed.  I was 12/13.

The next bad experience was aged 16 with my first boyfriend. He broke my collar bone.  I gave my virginity to this twat.  I was with him a year.  I realised his drinking then hitting me was the norm in his house.   I heard his mother getting a beating off his father one night.  This discussed me but it was like a light-bulb moment.  I realised my boyfriend had seen this his whole life so thinks its normal.  I left soon after that.  I have not let a man touch me since. This sadly has put me off alcohol.  I believe it is the worst drug in the world and rarely touch the stuff. I don't like being around men who drink to this day.

I have also had experiences with men when they have not taken no for an answer. Date rape I think is the label is today.  Twice I remember laying back and waiting for it to be over. 

I have opened up to my mother recently about some of the troubles I have been through.  Trying to get her to understand why I am the way I am.  Her response was "why didnt you go to the police".  I had no answer to that.  She didn't want to hear it.  Well its words to her, to me its been my life.  Other family member's have also poo pooed anything I have said about abuse in the past.  Nobody WANTS to believe it, thats the trouble. 

After what has happened recently it got me thinking about my own life.  I have been single for nearly 20 years now.  Now I don't hate men.  Two of my favourite people are men, my two grown boys.  However they have never seen me in a relationship as I gave up men/sex/relationships years ago.  I do have trust issues, but in all aspects of life.  I wanted a new kitchen but put it off for years as I don't trust builders.  This proved the case if you look back at the post I did on Telford Kitchens. 

The most common question I get asked is why am I single.  As if that a bad thing. It's my choice.  Women get it, but men think I am weird.  They can't digest the fact I haven't had sex in so many years.  Seriously, sex is overrated, men are overrated, and so are relationships.  When I look at some of my married friends and couples, there is not one couple I envy.  I have felt been happier, richer and securer on my own. 

I know there are plenty of respectable men out there, but so many look at women as a piece of meat.  We should be able to walk the streets naked safely.  Boys and girls need more education at school. Girls need to be told that boys will lie and say anything to get their way. And their way ie sex is all they are after.  I wish I knew this as a kid.  However I wouldn't have ended up pregnant at 18 and had the most amazing son.  

You can't trust anyone but yourself.  I have learnt that you have to listen to your instinct and not take everything as fact.  What your parents taught you isn't necessarily correct.  Since covid and lockdown its making me reevaluate my life. I cant trust the media, doctors, governments or any establishment.  All are run by puppets doing what those that fund them want.  So much corruption everywhere.  

I found Yungblud recently which has kept me going.  This young musician speaks so much truth and stuff I can relate too.  More young people need to listen to his lyrics.  Oh and I love how he wares a skirt on stage and looks great in it.  I have been waiting for men start wearing skirts.  

Right winge over.