Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Who was the real Matt Kendall?

Matt Kendall was the owner and trainer at Telford Thai Boxing. Sadly on October 12th he was found shot dead in Church Stretton, so the club is no more. Basically Matthew Kendall was a very sick man, a narcissist.  I am not going into details, but I have very close connections to the family it has effected, (my extended family) so know the truth behind recent events and his suicide.  I have written this post to get it off my chest.  If the police wish to speak to me or remove the post I will.

'Grooming is a insidious predatory tactic, utilized by abusers. Grooming is practiced by Narcissists, Antisocial predators, con-artists and sexual aggressors, who target and manipulate vulnerable people for exploitation.'

I met Matt 4 years ago when myself and my two boys aged 13 and 21 started to train at his club. At first it was great and we enjoyed going each week, but a few weeks down the line I started to realise there was something not right about him, but I couldn't work out what it was. I was always a bit shocked by his huge ego and self importance. He thought he was the best at Thai Boxing and believed his club was the best.  Yet he was overweight and I never saw him fight once.  He didn't look very fit at all. He would slate all other clubs and always acted like he was above everyone, a right aragant twat..  There was always talk how he was always cheating on his partner whom he had a son with. And there was lots of talk of his unhealthy relationship with his vulnerable girl students. 

I remember when the club moved to the business park in Hadley. He got everyone in to help, fair enough, but the most important part of doing up the new venue to him was creating a bar area. I remember thinking this was odd. Why was the bar and seating area so important too him? I soon came to realise. I believe he was an alcoholic as he was always talking about getting drunk at the weekend and on any trips it was all about getting drunk. Many times I would turn up to class and I could tell quite clearly he was on something. His eyes said it it all. They were always glossy and he looked off his head. Also someone very close to me said he saw Matt and other members sniffing white powder in the bathroom.

One thing that stood out quite soon was his people skills. He didn't really have any.  He seemed to lack empathy and was very pushy and manipulative. He pressured club members all the time trying to get more money into the club and to come to every class. At first I fell for it and sponsored him, I gave him £100 for new punch bag. But he was always pushing for more. He knew I had money and played on that. He was very impressed by my car for some reason and the fact i have my own business. Those that went fighting would have to pay him up front on the mini bus or before hand we got to the club where fights were held. Also we all paid an extra £5 for the drive to the club, fair enough.. The last fight I went to i noticed that the cost at the door was a lot less than he charged us. I did the maths and was shocked at how much money he was making out of us. I spoke to other fighters from other clubs and they didn't pay half as much, this angered me as he had lied to me regarding costs. On one event I had to pay full cost for my youngest son even though on the event website the cost was half that amount. He was a compulsive liar. The club was just a way for him to make money, probably to feed his addictions.

Then there was his classes. He rarely ran them himself. He would get his favourite members or members that he'd grown close hwith to run some classes. He would just sit on his laptop looking away with the fairies.. I asked one of these members if they were paid to help or at least have their monthly membership paid, but no, they were given nothing. Matt was a very good manipulator. 

The final straw for me was at a Christmas do he put on for everyone at the club. Well I say he, but he did very little. He asked us club members to bring the food, bring raffle tickets, pay a fiver to get in, pay for all drinks. He didn't even offer one thing for the raffle such as some cream or his t shirts. All he gave us was a video showing how great he was. He spent time putting together a video going on about the amount of fights won, the amount of club members attended that year, and anything to really feed his huge ego. Then at the end of the night when I had left, those that were still there played a drinking game. My 14 year old son was given 4 shots of tequila and other drinks which made him violently sick. He never called me to ask if it was ok to give my son these drugs which incidentally I believe should be illegal. Alcohol is by far the worst drug out there which has been proven by experts in recent years. I only knew about it by the state of my son the morning after.  It was my sons first taste of the drug alcohol and it was given to him by this so called respected member of the Thai community. This utterly disgusted me. The next day I stopped my standing order to the club and told my boys if they wanted to keep going they would have to pay for themselves, but I would rather they never went back.  Thank goodness they decided they had had enough and stopped going. My youngest went a couple more times but had grown tired of Matt's attitude and the way he ran his club.

He wasn't happy when we left and said I'd put the club at jeopardy. Me! Yeah right. We had a few heated text messages. His responses were very strange to be honest, I wish I could remember them. I know he had seemed to respect me so I told him the truth about how I thought he was a poor business man and where I believed he was going wrong. I thought it might make him see how it was his behaviour that was hindering the club at that time, not us members.  He had a huge turn over of students, lots coming and going. Over the year that I was at his club, most of his top members would leave. He fell out with a lot of people and he would blame it on their lack of commitment to the club. A lot of people did not like him.

I remember thinking he must just be a sad addict but I knew there was more too it. I was trying to understand him so I put some of his personality traits into Google. This is when I learnt what a narcissist was. It was Matt all over. It was like a bingo moment, he had a personality disorder.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following  symptoms:
  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) TICK
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
  • Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
  • Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

This whole event has been shocking to everyone who knew him.  But for me it was like the final jigsaw piece slotting into place.  I am sorry for everyone involved including his family, but more so his victim/s family.  But he was not a nice man, he had a lot of problems.  Unless you fell out with him you wouldn't have come across his nasty side. It's just a shame he didn't face up to his problems and get help.  I guess he knew he had lost everything, and for a narcissistic man like that, it was just too much to handle.